Three Weeks, It Feels Like Forever and Nothing at All at the Same Time
Three weeks....it has been three weeks since our last night enjoying our normal life before the fire. Tomorrow morning it will have been three weeks since we lost you, my dear sweet Adeline I can't take the pain some times. I miss you so much!
(I chose this song b/c Jerry's voice always just gives me chills and I remember singing it with Adeline. I miss her so much that I don't know how to go on with life without her.)
Some days three weeks has felt like an eternity, but other days it feels like just yesterday that we were laughing and enjoying our last night together. I miss you with my entire being. I wish like anything that I would have been able to save you. I am so sorry. I am so very sorry that I screwed up and that you are gone.
My heart feels like it is breaking and every Saturday night, I go through intense reactions...sobbing and missing you. This is one of the hardest times for me and one of the only times that I weep. It happens each week and I can't imagine a Saturday night that is not filled with tears. Some days I wonder if there will ever be a Saturday night that is happy again. I feel so broken, so tired, and so sad.
Today I tried to keep my mind off of the tragedy that has been our lives. Shane, Andrew, and I headed out to grab a few things. I got some jeans that actually fit which was amazing. I also got some workout pants to be able to hit the gym as I need an outlet and perhaps working out can be that outlet. I want to take up boxing. I want to feel pain again and I want to be able to hit something. I am planning on buying the Fight Camp system so that I have a way to workout and get my energy. I don't know what else to do...but I know that we have a number of things on my to do list to try and get them done. Each day I go from having good moments to having times of devastation and sorrow.