Today Shane and I did something that was hard and both of us had big emotions as we said goodbye to the home that we once lived in. We moved into our house at 726 E Chestnut Street in February of 2008, just five months before Althea was born. We brought home our three babies to that house. We raised Adeline in that house for the complete nine years of her life. This was our home. This was the place where we made the most of our memories and where we shared so much love, so much laughter, and so much joy. We rarely had bad days at our house and for that I am so very thankful. Of course not everyday was perfect, but when I look back at our lives on Chestnut, there was definitely a whole lot more than that was good then there was that was bad.
This photo is of the wall where we had a metal Jerry Garcia hanging. When I saw this image burnt into the wall, I wanted to share it.
I only took two photographs inside the house. I saw each room and experienced what had transpired in each space. I found some treasures and pieces that contained beautiful memories Adeline. I was in the rooms where we had these amazing life experiences and I was able to say goodbye to all that was there. I was able to say goodbye to the life that we lived, able to tell the house one last time thank you for the years of happiness and joy that were shared within the walls, for the beautiful memories that I will forever have of the last thirteen years where I was able to share in the joys of being a mom and wife with the most amazing people that are in my life.
This house is where Shane and I built the foundation of our marriage. It was within those walls that Shane and I were able to fall deeper in love and solidify the bond that we have today. It was within these walls that Shane and I were able to make the most beautiful memories with our amazing children. It was within these walls that I spent so many nights holding my sweet baby girl. It is here that our baby girl would climb into the bed with us and take up all of the room where we were both squished to one side.
Saying goodbye to our house was like saying goodbye to an end of an era. It was saying goodbye to the place where the babies were brought home from the hospital, to the place where we were able to share so much joy. It was saying goodbye to what was once our normal. It was the place where we were celebrated Christmas mornings, got to share the joy of what our elf was doing each day, where our jelly beans would magically grow into Tootsie Roll pops the night before Easter, where the easter bunny would hide the eggs that we decorated and the kids would get big baskets of candy and treats, the place where we hosted family dinners, had many birthday parties, had friends over on a regular basis...it was where we lived our lives. Saying goodbye to a house is always hard. Saying goodbye to the home that you last lived in with your child who is now gone from the Earth is even harder. This has been a journey that has been soul crushing. The very house that I wanted to sell and move from so bad is now a place that pulls on my heartstrings. When I told the house goodbye tonight, it was knowing that my house would not be standing the next time that I drove by...it was knowing that I would likely never see the house again. I would never again walk in those rooms and see what was there. I would never be able to see my precious baby girl get out of bed again, to see her laughing about being up way to late and to tell her that I loved her but that she had to go to bed. These are the last memories that we have with Adeline and when I was in that house and in our room, I could feel those memories and how real that they were.
This song reminds me of everything that I feel with a passion. I always hoped that I would never truly understand this song, but it is one thing that I now understand. It really feels like everything good is missing since you left and there is a definite emptiness....but I do hope that you are dancing my baby girl. I hope that you are having the most beautiful time, even if it is without me. I hope that my grandpa Web and your grandpa Steve were there to great you. I hope that you have met all of the amazing and beautiful people that we have told you about.
My dear Sweet Adeline, losing you was the hardest thing that I have ever had happen to me. Saying goodbye to the house was hard because it was like saying goodbye to so much of the world that I shared with you. It was saying goodbye to those places where we danced, the places where we cuddled, the places where we laughed, and the places where I held you and fed you as a baby. It was a weird feeling saying goodbye to so many things and moving forward to a world where you are no longer living with me. It is a surreal place to be telling you that I love you through a blog and FB messages and prayers. I pray that you hear me tell you that I love you each and every single time that I say it...which happens all day long. Oh Adeline, I miss you with a passion and desire that I simply do not know how to share or even begin to explain to anyone who has not been here.