Our First Family Adventure Without A
A few weeks ago we took our first family adventure without A. It was one of the hardest things that we have done to date. We traveled so much together over the years. We never missed an opportunity to head out of town for a night or a weekend and I am so thankful for all of these amazing memories that we shared. The one thing that I know that I will continue doing as we move forward is spending time as a family, seeing new places, and having new experiences together. I know that there are some places that it would be pretty painful to visit so for a while I am going to stick to new places that we had never been to with Adeline. Of course, there are times when we will probably choose to travel back to relive some of our fondest memories, but I feel like it is going to be a long time before I am ready to do that.
(While not tubing, this adorable picture of Adeline showed her love for sledding and her love of being in the snow playing. I am so glad that Shane was the one who did sledding and played in the snow with the kids as it gave him some special memories too. I went sometimes but most of the time they went without me while I did things around the house or caught up on homework and I love that he gets these special moments to cherish for eternity with our girl.)
We were invited by my sister in law and her family to go skiing. So we packed up on a Friday and headed to Wisconsin after work. We got to the house the we were renting together and got comfy and just relaxed that first night. Then on Saturday morning Huxley and I got up and got ready to go skiing. I have discovered how much I suck at skiing, but hopefully by next year I will be better. After skiing we went snow tubing and it was a great time, but it was marked with sadness as last year we had taken Adeline tubing too. I miss my sweet angel so much and being out there on those tubing hills really made the profoundness of our loss feel so much greater. It felt so deep knowing that she would not get to tube with us and that she was not there having fun like she had been one year prior.
It was really nice to hear Althea laughing as we were tubing. She had her big belly laughs that I had not heard since we lost Adeline. This made me smile and made me appreciate all of the special memories that we had with the four kids together. No one ever thinks that they will lose a child, but I am so thankful that we chose trips and adventures over cars and new houses. I think that this is helping to sway my current desire to continue these types of things by choosing a home that is less expensive and finding a home that is going to be big enough for our family but not too big for our retirement. We would like to get the kids a pool but I want to spend under a modest budget....so I am just trying to make the right decision, one that will allow us to continue traveling and enjoying life.
We also went on a few other adventures and just spent time together. I got to talk to my brother in law and sister in law quite a bit and it was nice to share that time with them. We have become increasingly close in the past few years and they were both very helpful after our fire and the loss of our home and Adeline. My sister in law took my kids shopping, picked us up suitcases and really focussed on what she could do to help. It was so nice to not have to worry about things as they were all already taken care of. I don't know if we could have made it through some of those activities so it was very nice that she did them for me. She is also my helper for Adeline's Celebration of Life in July because I am too overwhelmed to really think about it and give it the attention it deserves. This means that I am so thankful that someone is helping to take the reigns and make my life just a little bit easier.
In other news....
I went to see my therapist today. I am so thankful that I found a therapist that does energy work and energy healing as well as therapy. These things are important to me as I was interested in being able to help others through my journey. However, I never want to profit off of my child's death....so there will be no grief books in my future. (I have been emailed and contacted by several people asking me to do this.) Don't worry I will keep up on this blog and will share with you things that have helped me along the way.
I decided to do something special with Althea. She has always thought that unboxing videos were cool. So, I ordered Fab Fit Fun and decided to unbox with her. We got a bunch of fun stuff too and then split it up. That way we both get to have new things to enjoy! Check out our unboxing video and if you feel inclined, you can add us on YouTube. I am not a YouTuber and will not be posting tons of videos, nor do I have plans to edit and do all of that jazz. This is just a fun thing for us to do together. I wanted something that she could look forward to and something that would give us some time to spend together. This box seemed like a great way to do both! (I just realized that I should have flipped my camera so I will for future videos lol!!! Again I am not a videographer!)
Life is never going to be the same. This has been something that I have come to accept. However, life doesn't have to be only sorrow. Sure I am going to feel sorrow and pain each and every day for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean that it is the only thing that I am going to feel. I know that there will also be moments of immense joy and happiness and that if I allow myself to feel those things, it will help me to be better...to be the me that Adeline loved and the me that was able to give her such an amazing life.