I feel like I have thought about what to say to you and don't know the words. This is rare for me. From the moment that I first held you, I knew you'd be different. You had a light that shone so bright, perhaps that's because the fire of your life was never meant to burn so long. There are so many questions I've asked myself, so many things I wish I would have said and done with you. I am so thankful for every single memory.
I'll never forget that "Three Little Birds" was the first song that you sang. Listening to it now brings me an odd sense of wonder, did you always know? You were so full of love. We had so many cuddles, so many smooches, you always held my hand, always told me you loved me. You last words to me were "mommy I love you." I'm so glad I gave you a kiss and told you how much I loved you. I'm glad we had those last memories seeing the lights and hearing that you'd have a castle for us. I always imagined a castle on Earth, but now I know there's a castle waiting for me in Heaven.
When you were first born I painted your nails. I guess that was too much because a few weeks ago you told me that you hated to have your nails painted. I giggled. You loved your grandma's neighbors CeCe and CoCo, make up like mommy, loved lipgloss, unicorns, all of the family dogs Dexter, Dany, and Lily, you loved Chandler and missed him so much, Dork Diaries, your best friends Leah, Delayneed, Sofi, and Braelynn, your grandparents, your dad -- you always told me that he was yours. I can still hear you say, "he's mine, back off lady!"
We joked and laughed a lot. I'll never forget you telling Uncle Tyler that there should be a sweet Tyler song. When I asked, "what about me?" You said, "You already have a song, Fat Bottomed Girls."
We just celebrated your 9th birthday. I thought it was sweet that you wanted a day with your family. We had a scavenger hunt and you were so excited about your presents. We got you pancakes and Althea got you a cake pop from Starbucks. You also had hot chocolate. Then we did unicorn crafts, had McDonald's -- your favorite fries and coke, all while listening to music. You played some Roblox and you wanted chicken and noodles with grandma and grandpa so you went there for the night, got spoiled, and thought it was so funny that Uncle Tyler saw you through the window because of COVID.
You loved going to Kansas and seeing your cousins so much. You loved grandam Violet and grandma Sherry and talked about both of them all of the time.
You loved school and these past few weeks where we did school in the same room are memories that I will cherish until we meet again.
I am so thankful that we got to take your 5th birthday trip with grandma and that both grandmas, grandpa, and Uncle Tyler got to go to Disney World with you.
You loved the ocean and this summer's social distance trip was amazing -- we got to see so many things together.
But when I think back it wasn't the elaborate things -- sure traveling to 15 states in 9 years is cool, but it was the everyday moments that mattered the most. The way you would laugh way too hard when someone was reading your card when playing Family Cards Against Humanity, the way you'd sit on daddy's lap to play video games, the way you crawled into bed with us with your pink bear, the way you'd always kiss me no matter where we were never ashamed to show your love.
I loved creating things with you and watching you dance and perform. I'm so glad that you got to be in Peoria TV Show as you dreamed of being an actress.
I loved watching you play for hours with your sister, loved when the two of you held hands walking places, loved that you two had a sister bond I had always dreamed of since I never had a sister.
I loved the way you constantly laughed and joked with Andrew. I loved you'd tell him how it was and that you'd never back down. I loved that you were a stinker and gave him such a hard time during tutoring.
Huxley and you had such a silly bond. You were always joking, always trying to trick or scare each other. I love that the two of you laughed so much together.
You loved the whole family. You always talked about coloring with grandma Dot and how the two of you played when you were there. You asked to visit grandpa Fred all of the time and loved when we all went bowling together or when you got to drive the tractor.
You loved every single one of your aunts, uncles, and cousins. You loved so strong. Your love was the most present love that I have ever felt and you were the funniest human I've ever met.
As we try to pick up the pieces of our lives. I'm determined to give your name meaning. I will think about you every second, every minute, every hour, every day, and will do everything that I can to honor you. Your light will continue to shine and I will love you for eternity, a piece of me will always be with you.
Steve, I know I never met you, but if your son is as much like you as the family says, I'm so thankful that you're there to hold my baby girl and make her life happy. Grandpa Web, Adeline was so much like me. We had the strongest bond and I'm sure you'll create that with my baby. Please give her the biggest hung and kiss from me and remind her everyday that mommy loves her.
Until we meet again my love!
Updated: I decided to add the link to her services for anyone who missed them and would like to view them. I also thought that this was a way that I could go back and watch sometime when I am mentally ready b/c a lot of what was said feels like such a blur.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSSWRW1oqNc&feature=youtu.be