Mother's Day Flowers
Each year for the past several years, Shane and the kids have went out shopping and gotten flowers for me for Mother's Day. Then they have planted them. This year they were unable to do so because we were still in transition and were not yet moved into our home. I missed this tradition, but a part of me felt like it was meant to be that they didn't do new flowers because Adeline wasn't here with us to pick them out and she loved it most of all.
We moved in the winter when all of the plants were dead and we were able to save two of our big planters which were promptly stored in the storage shed. This was in December in IL. It was cold and the planters were full of frozen dirt and ice. Those planters stayed in the storage shed until we moved into our house. We moved some stuff before vacation, but most was not moved until the first weekend in August...long after the season to plant and produce flowers was over. It was intended that we would leave the pots empty and that they'd be used next year to plant more flowers.
Imagine my surprise when I walked outside in mid-August to discover that this plant had come back to life. I will reiterate that there was no plant when we removed it from storage and it sat in storage for about eight months. It did not get any water or any light during that time. I felt like this was a little precious gift from my girl as these were flowers that she had picked out and planted herself. I never thought that I would get the gift of flowers from my love again....but to my surprise...I did!
I had to share this little moment because it is one of those times when I was able to be reminded that my girl is with me. While I will never stop longing for my girl or grieving in the most devastating way for her....I can appreciate the signs that she gives me. I am so thankful that she sent me these flowers and that she is caring for them so that they are staying alive. No one else has done anything with them except one time Shane gave them a little water. I feel like it is a tiny miracle in a world that is often void of miracles. Since we lost Adeline, I have felt like the tiny miracles are endless. I have wondered if they were always there, if I should have been getting signs from my grandparents or other lost ones and if I had been too calloused to receive them. I like to think that they were not, that my grandparents knew that I was doing okay and that while they were watching me from Heaven, they were able to do so without constant reassurances as they knew that I had what I needed and that my soul was full. I know that my soul feels so broken now and I think that this is why my girl is always sending me signs. I think that she knows that these little signs are what keeps me going and helps me to constantly move forward.
Adeline, thank you so much for sending mommy signs. Mommy loves knowing that you are here with me and that you are always by my side. I have been struggling lately, trying to seek out an answer to why? Why did this have to be your time to go? Why was your purpose fulfilled in 9 short years? Why couldn't you be here with me? Why couldn't my time have come before yours? However, I know that I will have to wait until my time is up to learn these answers. For now, I am on a mission to fulfill my purpose, whatever that may be, as I have a strong realization or belief that you are done on this earth when your purpose has been accomplished. I believe that my purpose is to carry on the legacy of my amazing little girl and help others....so that is what I plan on propelling my life forward to do.