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  • awalto29

First Born

It has always been weird to me that I could remember so many details of little Adeline's life, but that I struggled to remember the same details of my other kids' lives. My head is full of memories and I remember the first time that I held each one of them, but I only remember glimpses of the time that we spent in the hospital before going home to grow our family, one baby at a time.

This picture was Adeline's Facebook debut. It was the picture that I used to announce to the world that an angel had been born. If only I had known then what I do now, I would have never went anywhere without her and would have held her every single night.

With Adeline it was different. I seem to have remembered every single detail and moment after she was born. I remember the weight of her as she was first placed in my arms. I remember Shane holding her and giving her the first bath. I remember how she smelled when she was placed back in my arms, how I felt when I held her close and snuggled her and how she never left the room. We used cloth diapers from the moment that we left the hospital and I remember her first diaper was a tiny fitted with hearts.

She always had those perfect cheeks, that sweet little nose, and an adorable chin. I will miss kissing those sweet lips, that forehead, and those cheeks for as long as I shall live.

I remember painting her nails and holding her and telling her how beautiful she was. Most of all I remember that for the first time in my entire life, I felt that there was one person who would be so connected to me that she would always be by my side. It's not that I did not connect with my other kids. There was just something different about Adeline. She was the type of person that had such a dynamic bright light that you could not help but be attracted to her and every fiber of your being wanted to be with her. She was this way throughout her short nine years of life. Everyone wanted to be her friend and everyone loved to be around her.

As I look back now on these first day pics, I kind of feel sorry for this baby who got to play dress up, perhaps a little too much. I had known going in that she would be our last and I was determined to make every single moment linger because I knew that I would never have that experience again. I would never again have a newborn baby, so I had to cherish every single second of time that I could spend with her.

December 5, 2011 was one of the greatest days of my life. Without that day, I would have never gotten to experience the million memories that are swimming through my head right now. Adeline Violet Walton was one of a kind and the most amazing human that I have ever known. From birth, she brought us nothing but joy. She loved so hard and always gave the greatest hugs, you know the ones that linger a few seconds too long and warm your heart and soul like they warm your arms. From birth this was my sweet girl.

One thing about Adeline is that she was a daddy's girl. She loved Shane with a passion and fire that I have seen few people have. She always thought about him and when we would spend many of our nights together hanging out, she would always talk about what she was going to do next with her daddy.

She also fiercely loved her siblings. They were all so proud of her from the moment she entered the world.

...especially Huxley, whose first words when he saw her were "give me dat baby."

As I look through the photos and reflect on her short life, I can't help but wonder why? There is a part of me that knows that she was just too good for this world. She was someone that deserved perfection and this world is not perfect, but I will always wonder why God took my angel rather than taking some horrible person off of the streets. I will ask one day, but I am sure that my answer will be that the place prepared for me in Heaven, was created by this amazing little girl who just wanted to have a castle for us all to live in together.

I can see the happiness of this day, her "birth" day and know the joy that my sweet Adeline brought to everyone's life. On the day when I just feel that I can't go on any longer, these are the memories that I vow to cling to as my sweet Adeline would have wanted us to have joy. Her whole purpose in life seemed to be joy and she brought so much of it.

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