A Very Long Day
Today has been one of the longest days of my life and definitely has felt like the longest day since you have been gone. My dear sweet girl, I still expect you to come running into the room again one day. I still think that you are going to be here when I wake up each morning. Some days the reality of losing you seems so far from the reality of my thoughts. I miss seeing your cute face and smile. Today I received the stuffies that I had purchased to be able to hold and cuddle when I missed you the most. This stuffie is so cute and makes me so happy. It has my sweet girl's face on it and I am able to hug it and see that precious smile at the same time. While it will NEVER be the same, it has been somewhat comforting feeling like I can hold her again. I miss my sweet girl so very much!
I've been talking to Althea and Huxley more. They have been sharing that Adeline talked about dying to them and told them what she would do after she died and how she would be with them. It brings back so many memories of Adeline saying to me "Mommy when I die..." and then continuing. I remember each time that she said this I would respond with "Adeline don't say that, if anything ever happened to you mommy's heart would break." I now know that she was trying to prepare me. She was trying to tell each one of us that she would be with us when she was gone from earth. She wanted us to know that she would always be with us and that she is always around.
Tonight has been a rough continuance of the day. We were able to gift our stuffies to Huxley, Althea, Ande, Tyler, my grandma Dot, and my mom and dad. We still have some for her best friends and for Shane's mom. I hate that I have to hug a stuffie instead of holding her in my arms. I hate that I am going to miss out on so many moments with her and on getting to create new memories. I cling to each and every old memory that I have ever had. I cling to all of the moments that we shared together. I love when I am completely alone and I can hear her sweet voice. If there is anything in the world that I would want it would be to have my sweet and precious girl back here in my arms.
Adeline if you are reading this....hey my beautiful sweet and perfect little girl. Mommy, daddy, sissy, Rara, Grandma, Papa, Ande, and Huxy all miss you so very much! We miss you with every single moment of every single day. We love you so much and can't stop thinking about how much we wish that you were here with us. We have a hard time doing so many things because they just do not feel right without you here, but we are trying our hardest to be our very best. I keep telling everyone that we should be the people who you would have wanted us to be, but it is so very hard to be anything when you are not right here with us. We want you to know how much we love you and that we will always love you and think about you. We want nothing more in the world than to have you here with us, but we know that this is not possible. We just want to spend eternity with you in Heaven but we know that we have to wait a little bit longer until we can do that. Until we see you baby girl, please know that we are here and that we are thinking about you each and every single day. We will NEVER stop longing for you or loving you our precious angel.