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  • awalto29

5 Years Ago

Five years ago, I would have never imagined the tragedy that would take over my life. I could have never imagined what life was like today. I would not have wanted to. I never imagined that I would lose a child because it was something so far from where I believed that my mind could be.

Adeline and I got to spend so much time together. I was home with her and we got to be the best friends that we were up until the day that I lost her.

I remember this day, this was a really fun day and the first time that I visited the Playhouse Museum. She loved it so much there.

The water table remained a favorite for quite some time. She loved taking the boats through the channels, learning to build the different water systems and creating the waterfalls. It was so much fun to play with her and to hear that beautiful laugh and see that smile.

She had a blast pretending to be the postman and delivering the letters to the right mailbox in the small "city" area.

There are so many other fun things that we did. She got to pretend that she was on a farm driving a combine....

...and picking pumpkins.

This area is a fun ball drop and you get to control how the balls drop and move. She loved getting to have the controls and loved watching the balls fall from above.

Today I wanted to share a happy memory. I wanted to think about what life was like five years ago. If I had foreseen the future, what would I have changed? This is something that I have contemplated a lot. With Adeline I was a better mom naturally as she was my fourth. I have VERY FEW regrets about the life that I lived with Adeline. There are a few things, but overall, when I think of her life, all I can typically picture is happiness...those big blue eyes looking up at me, that gorgeous smile that shone from the soul, and that wonderful spirited laugh. Oh my sweet Adeline, please know that mommy would have done anything to make you happy and that I miss you so much. I am so sorry my sweet girl that I could not save you. My soul longs to be near you and I will forever think of you and wish that you were here with me.

There are so many things that I miss when it comes to Adeline, but one thing that has given me some piece is the recent terrorism and threats within our own country. In my mind when I was watching the news, I couldn't help but think that Adeline was just too good for this world. She was too good to have to live through the horrors that are happening around us. She was too good to have to deal with the pain and heartache that occurs in life.

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