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  • awalto29

Wondering Why???

Life keeps throwing hurdles our way. It is so hard to know that these bad things keep happening and that life seems to be throwing us the worst possible situations. Losing your child, your home, and everything you own is hard enough. Why do we continue to be hit with these instances where things are completely out of control?

It is happening one thing after another. I am trying my hardest to understand what is going on. I don't understand why God would give me any more than losing my girl. I don't understand why God would take all of my things away. I don't understand why God would allow us to continually go through more. I just don't understand. Let me sit in my pity party for a bit. Let me think about these things and reflect.

The drama that has been created by others in my life at this time has clearly shown who I am important to and who is too selfish for me to waste my time on. I have learned that having things means nothing. I have learned many additional lessons but these are the big ones. I have learned to take each day as it comes. I have learned that sometimes there is nothing that you can do but breathe.

Sometimes life throws lemons at you. Sometimes life throws rocks at you. Right now I feel like the world is raining boulders, but this too shall pass. All things will eventually come to an end.

I am learning to live unapologetically. I am learning to live life to its fullest and to cherish each and every moment that you are blessed with. I am learning to look for the blessings in disguise. Just like COVID. Thanks to COVID I had my girl home with me for the last 9 months of her life continually. We got to experience so many things as a family that we would have never gotten to experience. Just like COVID, each bad thing is sure to bring about some secret blessing that I am unable to understand at this time.

For now I know that Adeline's life deserves meaning and purpose and for me to continually evoke her life and her spirit to help me to move through my days. I am learning to focus on being kinder, on forgiving and moving on without allowing myself to be in the situations that cause me harm. I am learning to be more kind.

While I realize first hand that life will never be the same, I also know that life can continue to go on and that things will continue to help us to move forward. I am learning to live in a time when I want to give up. I learning to be strong and find inner strength that I never knew that I could have. I am learning to seek out a higher purpose for my life so that I will see my girl again one day. I will celebrate with her when I reach Heaven and I will be so thankful to finally be reunited and having her in my arms again. Life doesn't have to be terrible. I am learning that there can be good in the midst of the pain and the bad and that the good can be amazing, even if there is always the pain attached to living.

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